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Humor: 22 Global Economic Models

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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.


 

A CANADIAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

 

The Americans impose a 100% import duty, then ban all Canadian cows from entering the USA.

 

The Canadians respond "I'm Sorry".

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM

 

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

 
 


 

Murder Statistics for Latin America

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Murder statistics for Latin America.

Provided by Kristin Brinner, Retirement Investigator, compiled from Wikipedia data

 

Most recent complete data; 2006.

For comparison purposes, murders per 100,000 people:

 

Canada 1. 85

USA 5.7

Mexico 10.8 * before the drug war

Belize 33.0

Guatemala 43.0

El Salvador 55.3

Honduras 45.2 * before the military coup

Nicaragua 12.0

Costa Rica 7.68

Panama 11.3

Colombia 37.3

Ecuador 16.9


(from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_murder_rate)

Last Updated on Wednesday, 08 July 2009 17:20
 

An economic solution - finally!

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Sent in by RD member D. Davies, Canada

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.           

--- Cicero, 55 BC

D. B. Davies
(416) 266 1201
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
For information on Podium Power!, turn up the sound and click here:  http://www.audioacrobat.com/note/CYnGSYgQ/


 

Last Updated on Saturday, 01 August 2009 17:03
 

How can I get my business reviewed?

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To get your business, service, real estate development or restaurant reviewed, send us an e-mail describing why your establishment is unique. ( This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it )

Give us your website address (if you have one), your e-mail address, and your telephone number.

Tell us: When are you open? Closed? What days?

Most importantly, give very clear driving directions and where to park.

Tell us the cross streets, what to look for on the corner, and biggest buildings in the area. Is it a one way?

What does your building look like from the outside? What color is it?

Make yourself easy to find. What is the owners name? Who do we ask for when we arrive?

 

 If you go to an establishment you have read about here, tell them Roberto Chocolate sent you!

Last Updated on Saturday, 01 August 2009 18:47
 

A little comic relief

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Some words to live by:
(submitted by RD member ED M. -  P.E.C., ON, Canada)

1) The things that come
to those who wait will be the things left by those who got
there first. 

2) The 50-50-90 rule:
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

3) Nothing is foolproof to
a sufficiently talented fool. 

4) He who laughs last,
thinks slowest. 

5) Change is inevitable,
except from a vending machine. 

6) Flashlight: A metal
tube used to store dead batteries. 

7) A fine is a tax for
doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 

8) The shinbone is a
device for finding furniture in a dark room. 

9) If the shoe fits, get
another one just like it. 

10) Give a man a fish and
he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit
in a boat all day, drinking beer. 


Last Updated on Monday, 08 June 2009 12:58
 

Travelers Medical/Survival Kit

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MEDICAL/ SURVIVAL KIT

 

- Bottled water and water purification pills

- Hat that breathes, but covers back of your neck and ears

- Sunscreen – SPF 35 – 50, preferably time released, must be waterproof

- Insect repellent – 25 % DEET or higher (must have DEET)

- Polarized sunglasses, strap is helpful

- Button-up (not pull over) shirts with cotton undershirts

- Shoes – not sandals (insects), with arch supports, quick drying are best

- Cotton socks

- Talcum powder

- Reading glasses/magnifier

- Cell phone with car charger

- GPS unit with area maps

- Compass

- Energy bar

- Flashlight, extra batteries or wind up type

- Waterproof matches

- Metal mirror for signaling/fire starting

- Tire repair kit (make sure your vehicle has an inflated spare and a jack with a handle)

- extra toilet paper, Kleenex pack

- Put your doctors name and telephone number in your wallet (waterproofed)

- Wear your Medic-Alert bracelet

- Bring extra prescription medications

- Bandages, medical tape and first ad kit including the following:

 

Medicines

NOTE: Get your booster shots BEFORE leaving home. Some vaccinations require 4 - 6 weeks incubation time.

  • - Hepatitis A + B shots
  • - Malaria shots if needed - check malaria maps
  • - Aspirin
  • - Aloe Vera for burns
  • - Bactine or After Bite for bites/burns
  • - Permethrin – spray clothes to prevent ticks, chiggers, sand fleas, bed bugs, etc
  • - Benadryl or Clairton for allergies/bites
  • - Mexsana for sweaty feet
  • - Neosporin or Ploysporin for cuts (topical antibiotic)
  • - Hydrocortisone cream for anti-inflammatory
  • - Calamine lotion
  • - Imodium
  • - Pepto Bismol

 

(Not a complete list by any means – just what I have needed on my travels so far)


Last Updated on Friday, 03 July 2009 22:42
 

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